Monday September 22, 2025
Nestled deep inside the Black Hills of South Dakota is one of the hidden gems of the AARP crowd. It's new and I can see that this will be bigger than 25 cent ice cream cones at McDonalds for seniors and even bigger than the cheap drugs and dental in Algadones Mexico. The place I am talking about is the J Bar B Dude Ranch for Seniors. We were privileged enough to be invited by our hosts to sample all that they offered with a handful of other guests. Being the influencers that we are, we could not miss out on an opportunity like this. I started my review a few days ago so please review that before you go on.
Monday.
Hikes were on the agenda for today. Two to be exact. Hells Canyon for the crazy adventurers and a very easy hike around the picturesque Sylvan Lake. I don't have to tell you which hike I did. Three went off to do the Hells Canyon hike and we never heard from them again. Oh, well. The rest of us went to Sylvan lake. If I haven't said it before, I am a cripple. Which is a bad thing in this group. So the group left me at a picnic table and went their merry way. Who cares that I might get eaten by a bear or something.
I made the best of it. I brought a book to read to pass the time. Although starving, I traded that book to a hippie for a granola bar. Who knows if they are ever coming back? I think they just left me there to die.
Starving for days. I am a shell of the man I used to be.
Delirious, I looked up and I think I saw them in the distance.
They were all standing in line at the poopers. Awkward. I hobbled over to them and we all piled into the tour buses and returned to the ranch. Alcohol was promptly served to ease the aches and pains of the hikers. Bambi spread forth a plethora of seafood for the nights meal. Jethro introduced us to some dice games on Sunday and brought them back out Monday.
The first one was called Shake-a-day. It costs a dollar to play and the object is to get a Yahtzee with six dice instead of five. Guess what I did? I got it!
Finally! Cash! The next one was called Shut the Box.
It's a fun game. You roll the dice and lift or lower the tiles of the score you have. Let's say you roll a six, so you then lift the six. Roll a twelve, you lift the twelve. You keep rolling until you can't lift any more tiles and what is left is your score. Guess what I did? I scored a zero! Never before in human history has that been done!
That meant more money! Jethro has finally brought out the cash prizes for these events.
Just a side note here. Notice the people who have the lowest scores. That's right! Bambi and Tango. We are such fine athletes that we excel in everything we do.
More bourbon tasting ensued that evening. Now the real reason I think Jethro had us out there was to show off his extensive collection. Rumor has it that there are over 250 bottles. He has them stashed all over the place.
These are just two small areas that he has them in. There are literally cupboards full of bourbon. I did not partake in any bourbon tastings.
Tuesday September 23, 2025
Jethro announced that there are more hikes on the agenda. I really think that he is doing this to try and knock some of us off because it has now been four days of fun and frolic. He says that he knows of an easy hike in the Wind Cave National Park that we just have to do. So we loaded up the tourist busses and headed out.
We started the hike at the visitor center. Jethro led us out into the wilderness to our first stop. He was really digging the tour guide thing. The original opening that was discovered of the cave system.
At this point there is another sign that described the hike as "Moderately Strenuous".
I had to Google it and there is a difference between easy and this.
Jethro assured us that it was easy. At this point Gladys realized that she left her phone in the pooper and needed to go back and find it. Everyone said that they would wait. Soon Bambi said that she would go look for Gladys so she left. Realizing that this could be my way out I said that I would go look for them also and that they should start the hike. So I left and dang it, the girls were coming down the trail. So the hike resumed.
Jethro blabbing on and on about some bush or plant or something. I just had to tune him out.
The only pictures I got of the group are of their backs because they just leave cripples to fend for themselves.
After the hike which I finished and no one cares, we headed back to the ranch for more alcohol. Bambi made some amazing steaks for dinner. More tastings and games followed and then people started to fade away. The hectic schedule and grueling activities started to take their toll on the old and crippled.
Jethro pulled me aside earlier in the day and whispered in my ear again. "Tango, this is brilliant. Everyone signs a waiver that there are no refunds. So if we do lots of vigorous hikes and they fall and break a hip or something, that's just more money for us!" To which I had to respond with this. "Let me guess, pork rinds and bourbon for breakfast?"
Four days down and four to go. Will we make it? Only time will tell.
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