The Most Stupendous Epic Adventure Continues

 

We left the J Bar B Dude Ranch and started to head east for our epic adventure. It was imperative that we did leave to save our livers, even though Bambi begged and pleaded for us to stay it was time. 9 days was a lot of time spent together and in the background I could see Jethro starting to load his shotgun. Yep, it was time.

Our next destination was going to be Omaha, Nebraska. Did you know that Omaha has the country's best zoo? Or as I like to call them, animal prisons. We made a stop in Mitchell, SD because we detest driving farther than 400 miles in a day. It was going to be about 350 miles which gives us a nice break. Once we got set up at the Mitchell city park campground, it gave us time to reflect on the past week and to also kill the many stink bugs that have infiltrated our camper. They are not really stink bugs. They are the Western Conifer Seed Bug.

The reason that they are mistaken for a stink bug is because when you squish them they emit a foul odor. They were everywhere. They fly into your face and hair so you can't help but not swat at them.

Reflecting on the past week we learned that for Jethro, it's never too early to start drinking. Bambi is an excellent cook. Her feasts reminded me of the time Gladys and I went to a medieval dinner theater. The portions were heaping and the alcohol was nonstop. 

The next day we headed out to Omaha but we had to make a short stop at a grocery store. As a going away gift from Bambi, she gave me her cold. So I needed lots of cold medications for the rest of the trip. We got to Omaha and stayed at a campground we first stayed at when we hit the road back in 2014. It sure had changed because none of it looked that familiar. In fact I thought it was someplace totally different. Oh well. 

We got set up, killed more bugs and got ready for the zoo.

The zoo is enormous. It's a good thing I got in shape doing those death marches in SD with my boot on. I turned on my pedometer app on my phone and we were off. The animal areas are big and the animals have room to roam around which is good.

Lemurs.

Silver back gorillas.

Jellyfish.

More Jellyfish.

Sleepy Lions.

Snow Leopard.

Rhino.

We were at the zoo on a Tuesday so it was not crowded at all. We made it around the entire zoo and I was getting very tired of hobbling around in my boot. In fact my legs were starting to kill me so we finally made it to the exit. I looked at my pedometer app and it said that we had walked 3.5 miles. No wonder my legs were killing me.

I got a message from my security guy at the SSUVFL. He said that he met my daughter and they were going to run off together leaving the SSUVFL unprotected.

Now that creates a problem. Do we continue South on our epic adventure? We know Bambi is tracking us because we get messages from her telling us not to turn north. The Google says that we are only 413 miles from home. We could break the 400 mile rule and turn north. My foot hurts so bad that I couldn't enjoy walking on sandy beaches right now. Plus the SSUVFL is unprotected.

With all of the evidence in front of us there was only one thing to do.

Final Days at the J Bar B Ranch

 Friday 26 September 2025

Jethro has been saving the biggest and best events for the finale of the first annual "J Bar B Ranch get together and hootinanny. (Jethro, you might have to work on that name. Just saying.) Although our group of the original ten is shrinking a little bit now. Debbie flew out on Thursday and Dave and Leslie are leaving Friday. So that leaves 7 hearty souls to continue on.

The first big event was touted as being enormous. It was going to be the 60th Annual Buffalo Round-up at Custer State Park. Jethro said that we had to leave the ranch at 6:30 in the morning. The plan was to take Jethros pickup camper and then meet up with some of his friends and then convoy into the park with them since this was everyone's first rodeo to speak. 

We drove to the town of Custer to meet his friends and then it was a long 2 hour drive into the park to the viewing area. Normally it would not be such a long drive but can you imagine 20 thousand people all wanting to go to the same area all at once. Instant gridlock traffic. Stop and go for hours. What made it worse was having my morning coffee filling up my bladder. Not a fun drive at all.

We eventually made it to the parking lot and thank the maker there was a porta potty pretty close. A sigh of relief could be heard all across the park. Jethro's friends set up tables and chairs for having some breakfast and drinks. (Go figure.) Mimosas, Bloody Mary's and Screwdrivers. We relaxed a little until it was time to take a shuttle bus to the viewing areas. Once there we walked through a sea of humanity to find the perfect spot to see the buffalo come in. The group quickly threaded themselves through the crowd leaving the two cripples behind as usual. So Harry and myself were left standing on a different hillside. We stood there for an hour waiting.

A crowd of people.

More people.

And more people. Across the way was another viewing area and the spot circled is where the SD Governor was watching.

I really never thought in my entire life that I would be sitting on a hillside with 20 thousand other people trying to get a glimpse at a herd of buffalo, but here I was. In fact on our way to the black hills we passed two big herds of buffalo just west of Pierre SD. Just standing by the road as we drove by.

This is what I remember of the buffalo round-up.

Finally they were herded past the throngs of people as cheers erupted for the buffalo. (Not kidding about that).

The cowboys herded the buffalo around that far hill and into a pasture just below us. It took 15 minutes. Now 20 thousand people were all wanting to leave at the same time. So we went back to the campers and here is the brilliant part. We sat around and had lunch and cocktails until the crowds finally started to thin out. We then packed into the RV and started the two hour drive back home. There was a big vendor show that we stopped at to look around. We found more people there.

Tired, we piled back into the RV and headed back to the ranch. Alcohol was provided in hopes of perking people up again but it was a rather long day. Harry and Vicki were leaving in the morning which meant there were only 5 left now. Also there was some confusion about when checkout actually was. Jethro was saying that it was Saturday but then Bambi wanted us to stay another week. Steve was leaving on Sunday?

Saturday 27 September 2025

Harry and Vicki were packing up to leave that morning. Jethro was running around telling the rest of us "See, see. They know when to leave. Why aren't you guys leaving also?" he said as pork rinds were flying out of his mouth. More goodbyes were said as we watched them drive away. We all vowed to meet back here in a year. I think I heard Jethro screaming "NO, NO!" as Bambi pushed him inside the house.

He finally came back out and said "since you 3 are still here, we can go into Rapid and I can show you the Prepper Show that's in town. Then you can see what all of us South Dakotans do in our free time." I had to Google what a prepper was because it was entirely new to me.

After that I googled the show itself and what came up did look kind of interesting.

So off to Rapid we went with high hopes of finding us some prepper stuff. I made the comment that I saw on the Facebook admission prices were lowered from 10 to 5 dollars a person. Sweet. We paid our money and walked in to this.

This does not look like the picture they put out on the Facebook. What a bust. I said to Gladys that we need to pack up and leave tomorrow if this is the best they can do. I looked over at Jethro and he was smiling from ear to ear. I think that was his plan from the beginning.

Sunday 28 September 2025

We packed up and were ready to leave because our adventure was going to continue and it was going to be epic. We said our goodbyes, to Jethro, Bambi and Steve. (Why does Steve get to stay?) Hugs all around from everyone. Bambi whispered in my ear, rather pleaded "Don't leave, please don't leave. I want to smell normal people that don't smell of bourbon and pork rinds. I beg of you." 

We vowed to come back next year for the second annual "J Bar B Ranch get together and hootinanny."

On a more personal note. I make fun of Jim and Barb(mostly Jim) but they know that I am only kidding. We love them like family and we wanted to thank them from the bottom of our hearts for inviting us out for an entire week of friendship and fun and also great memories that we all shared. Barb made some amazing meals for all of us and Jim kept us entertained which I am sure was difficult at best. I almost feel sad for winning so much of their money. We can't wait to do it again next year.

Our adventure continues.

 

Part 3 of the J Bar B Ranch

 Wednesday 24 September 2025

As I awake after 4 days of drinking, confusion fills my head. Where am I? Who am I? Why do I smell pork rinds?  As I roll over Jethro's face greets me with a huge smile and a faint odor of bourbon. "WHAT THE......!" I start to yell but he cuts me off in mid sentence. "Gladys was in the house so I came out to see you and tell you about all of today's activities. Bambi was right, you do sleep naked." he said. After the shock wore off he filled me in with the day's activities. 

He said that we were going to take a beautiful drive through the Black Hills and then end up at Mt. Rushmore. After that he found a place that smokes the best ribs you will ever find. Then ending up back at the ranch for, you guessed it, bourbon tasting and games. I told him that it sounds great but why did he have to crawl into bed with me to tell me? He said he likes to cuddle.

After that awkward encounter we all got ready and headed to the bus stop. The route to Mt. Rushmore was going to be on the Iron Mountain Road. A 17 mile scenic route famous for its 314 curves, 14 switchbacks and three pigtail bridges that loop over themselves along with three granite tunnels that frame views of Mt. Rushmore. Once inside the busses we were off. 

The drive was spectacular. No one got car sick. Here are some images taken from the interweb. 

This is a pigtail.

One of the tunnels with the view of Mt. Rushmore.

In the back of the bus you just get the view of the back of Jethro's head.

I think he needs a haircut.

It was a very good ride though so we can't really complain. We got to Mt. Rushmore and it has been several years since we have been there. It is always breathtaking.

Mt Rushmore.

And in typical fashion everyone raced ahead of the cripple guy to get the best spot for viewing. All I got was the backs of everyone's heads.

L-R-Steve looking for the mountain, Debbie looking for chapstick, Leslie wondering why there are no Canadians on the mountain, Jethro thinks he sees a deer, Gladys pretending she's in handcuffs, Dave thinking that this is Crazy Horse, and Bambi wanting to be in handcuffs also.

I borrowed a picture from Jethro's blog of the entire group because I did not get one at all.

L-R-Debbie, Steve, Bambi, Dave, Jethro, Harry, Gladys, Leslie, Tango and Vicki. Why are we all wearing sunglasses? Do we think we are all famous and don't want to be recognized? LOL.

There is a hike that gets you closer to the mountain so a few of the group decided to do that. I was not one of them. So the remainder stayed back to explore the visitor center and gift shop, also to sit in the shade and enjoy the ambiance. With their return we headed out to our next destination. Elk Haven Horse Camp.

This was not far from Mt. Rushmore which was good, because we were getting hungry and thirsty. It is a working horse camp but the owner once a week will smoke ribs if you pre-order them. They were so good and one rack will feed two people. Get there early to get a table, which we did and we were able to enjoy some beers before the ribs. Like we haven't had any beer this week.

This picture does not do them justice but they were so good, Meat comas for everyone.

Moans and groans again could be heard from the group again. Some swearing that they vow never to eat again. Once back at the ranch alcohol was provided again. Bourbon tasting and what ever else you fancied. The dice games were brought out also and I think I won another shut the box game again which meant more cash again! We all stumbled off to bed with our pants undone. Another fabulous day in the books.

Thursday 25 September 2025

Five days of drinking. This reminds me of my military deployments. My military training is paying off.

"Tango. Tango." Jethro whispered into my ear. Note to self. Have Gladys lock the door when she leaves.

"What Jethro?" I sighed.

"These old people are tougher than I thought. No one has left yet. I'm starting to lose money now." he whimpered softly into my pillow. 

"Maybe you need to have them start drinking earlier." I said.

Just like that a light bulb went off in his head. "That's brilliant!" he said. "Hold my pork rinds while I set up a brewery tour today!"

Off we went to the breweries. One after another.

The gang. 

Fun fact for you. Did you know you can drink more if you get senior citizen discounts? Everyone except the Canadians. They still pay more. Sorry.

Fun fact here. This is Jim's second picture of the group not realizing that Harry was not in it until I asked where Harry was? So we waited for him to return and re took the photo. I got your back Harry. So many breweries later we ended up at the Lost Cabin Brewery. This is what I remember of it.

Kids in bars. Good times.

After that it was time to head back to the ranch. It was going to be a special night. Bambi's famous tacos for dinner. Mouth watering for sure. I know I went back for seconds. Again everyone was stuffed. Bourbons came out again along with more dice games. 

How many days has this been. It's all kind of a fog.

"Tanglo, Tanglo. It's me Jefro. Tom, Tom, Tom, the day after today is going to be the most stupendilicious day every." Jethro whispered into my ear after a long day of breweries and bourbon.

"Why is that?" I said.

"We are going to see the big fluffy cows!"

The Infamous J Bar B Ranch

Monday September 22, 2025

Nestled deep inside the Black Hills of South Dakota is one of the hidden gems of the AARP crowd. It's new and I can see that this will be bigger than 25 cent ice cream cones at McDonalds for seniors and even bigger than the cheap drugs and dental in Algadones Mexico. The place I am talking about is the J Bar B Dude Ranch for Seniors. We were privileged enough to be invited by our hosts to sample all that they offered with a handful of other guests. Being the influencers that we are, we could not miss out on an opportunity like this. I started my review a few days ago so please review that before you go on.

Monday.

Hikes were on the agenda for today. Two to be exact. Hells Canyon for the crazy adventurers and a very easy hike around the picturesque Sylvan Lake. I don't have to tell  you which hike I did. Three went off to do the Hells Canyon hike and we never heard from them again. Oh, well. The rest of us went to Sylvan lake. If I haven't said it before, I am a cripple. Which is a bad thing in this group. So the group left me at a picnic table and went their merry way. Who cares that I might get eaten by a bear or something.

I made the best of it. I brought a book to read to pass the time. Although starving, I traded that book to a hippie for a granola bar. Who knows if they are ever coming back? I think they just left me there to die. 

Starving for days. I am a shell of the man I used to be.

Delirious, I looked up and I think I saw them in the distance.

They were all standing in line at the poopers. Awkward. I hobbled over to them and we all piled into the tour buses and returned to the ranch. Alcohol was promptly served to ease the aches and pains of the hikers. Bambi spread forth a plethora of seafood for the nights meal. Jethro introduced us to some dice games on Sunday and brought them back out Monday. 

The first one was called Shake-a-day. It costs a dollar to play and the object is to get a Yahtzee with six dice instead of five. Guess what I did? I got it!

Finally! Cash! The next one was called Shut the Box. 

It's a fun game. You roll the dice and lift or lower the tiles of the score you have. Let's say you roll a six, so you then lift the six. Roll a twelve, you lift the twelve. You keep rolling until you can't lift any more tiles and what is left is your score. Guess what I did? I scored a zero! Never before in human history has that been done!

 

That meant more money! Jethro has finally brought out the cash prizes for these events.

Just a side note here. Notice the people who have the lowest scores. That's right! Bambi and Tango. We are such fine athletes that we excel in everything we do.

More bourbon tasting ensued that evening. Now the real reason I think Jethro had us out there was to show off his extensive collection. Rumor has it that there are over 250 bottles. He has them stashed all over the place.

These are just two small areas that he has them in. There are literally cupboards full of bourbon. I did not partake in any bourbon tastings. 

Tuesday September 23, 2025

Jethro announced that there are more hikes on the agenda. I really think that he is doing this to try and knock some of us off because it has now been four days of fun and frolic. He says that he knows of an easy hike in the Wind Cave National Park that we just have to do. So we loaded up  the tourist busses and headed out.

We started the hike at the visitor center. Jethro led us out into the wilderness to our first stop. He was really digging the tour guide thing. The original opening that was discovered of the cave system.

At this point there is another sign that described the hike as "Moderately Strenuous".

I had to Google it and there is a difference between easy and this.

Jethro assured us that it was easy. At this point Gladys realized that she left her phone in the pooper and needed to go back and find it. Everyone said that they would wait. Soon Bambi said that she would go look for Gladys so she left. Realizing that this could be my way out I said that I would go look for them also and  that they should start the hike. So I left and dang it, the girls were coming down the trail. So the hike resumed.

Jethro blabbing on and on about some bush or plant or something. I just had to tune him out.

The only pictures I got of the group are of their backs because they just leave cripples to fend for themselves.

After the hike which I finished and no one cares, we headed back to the ranch for more alcohol. Bambi made some amazing steaks for dinner. More tastings and games followed and then people started to fade away. The hectic schedule and grueling activities started to take their toll on the old and crippled.

Jethro pulled me aside earlier in the day and whispered in my ear again. "Tango, this is brilliant. Everyone signs a waiver that there are no refunds. So if we do lots of vigorous hikes and they fall and break a hip or something, that's just more money for us!" To which I had to respond with this. "Let me guess, pork rinds and bourbon for breakfast?"

Four days down and four to go. Will we make it? Only time will tell.

Why are We Here?

 This is quite the topic to tackle, from a point of philosophical awareness. People have written countless books about existentialism but I will delve into it as it relates to us. (Sorry Jethro, more big words.)

The term "here" refers to a spot in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Particularly the "J bar B" ranch close to the town of Custer, SD. A year ago we got a message from Jethro and Bambi. He said he was inviting a small group of people out to the ranch in September of 2025. He wanted to give everybody plenty of notice to clear their calendars. Fast forward to now and here we are. 

Photo stolen from Jethro and improved by Tango.

Saturday.

These are the couples that are making the journey to South Dakota. Traveling from 3 different states and one province. We all arrived on the same day and started to get caught up with everyone's  lives. While everyone was getting reacquainted Jethro pulls me aside and whispers in my ear, which was a little unnerving because he smelled of bourbon and pork rinds.

He said to me "Tango, Bambi and I have a million dollar idea. I don't want to do a food trailer because that sounds like too much work for Bambi, so we came up with this idea. The J bar B ranch.  A +55 and older dude ranch for senior citizens! That's why you all are here! To give it the first test. We have activities planned, tours set up. It's all inclusive too. Food and beverages. Everything! We have even scheduled nap times! It's perfect!"

So the first day was slow and easy since it was a travel day. Pretty soon Jethro was bringing out the bourbon. Those that wanted to do blind taste testing of a variety of bourbons could. Just an observation here. I think there would be more takers if there was prize money involved. Giggling could be heard the rest of the night.

Sunday.

Today was a quiet day. People could explore on their own. The afternoon was going to be a cornhole tournament, more bourbon tasting and alcohol consumption. Jethro made a bracket and names were drawn to see who was going to compete with who. Everyone started googling the rules to make sure it was on the level. We decided on the Queensbury rules of cornhole to the death and the competition began.

It was a very spirited competition, comments from the spectators were nonstop as you could imagine.

Jethro pulled me aside again and whispered in my ear. "Tango, today we are just playing cornhole but imagine an Olympic size shuffle board court here. Over there yonder I want to install a pickleball court. What else do old people play? Oo, I know checkers!" I looked over and saw his eyes gleaming and a smile plastered across his face. I was wondering how much bourbon he has already had and why does he always smell of pork rinds?

The losers of the games would then have to spin the wheel of bad decisions. The wheel was listed with all kinds of bad alcohol and the losers would spin to see what they had to take a shot of.

Here is Jethro spinning because his team lost. I think he lost on purpose just so he could drink.

The tournament went on for hours with the eventual winners being the team of Bambi and Tango. Again, just saying that maybe some cash prizes may be a good incentive.

Fun was had by all. But if that wasn't good enough, the two winners now had to face each other in a sudden death game. The game went back and forth for what seemed like hours. Imagine two athletes at the top of there physical abilities competing head to head. On and on it went until finally time started to take its toll on, Tango. Bambi was in her prime and finally endured the final outcome. Bambi was the overall champion. Congratulations to her. Jethro presented her with the Shepard's hook of physical prowess. Again, cash!

With the game over alcohol was brought out for drowning your sorrows or celebrating your victories. I would like to add that the meals Bambi has been cooking were fabulous! Bambi has been doing so much cooking and keeping us fed. I made the comment that this is like the opposite of fat camp. It's more like "see how much you can eat camp". After every meal you can hear moans and groans of satisfaction. You can always count on Jethro to add "save room for some bourbon!"

That's it for the first two days. There is so much going on that I have do small snippets to just keep up with everything before the alcohol clouds my mind. Stay tuned for more.

The Most Stupendous Epic Adventure to Date.

Day 1, 19 September 2025

 Our brave explorers Gladys Butterpump and Tango Allejandro decided not to hibernate after soup season. Instead our brave explorers decide to pack up their camper and head to parts unknown.They packed for days and days in preparation for this fantastic voyage. Everything that was once in the house was now in their camper. The neighbors could hear Tango yelling at Gladys many times. 

"Gladys! Gladys! (She's hard of hearing.) "Why don't you just follow me in a U-Haul truck with everything you are bringing!" he said exasperated. (That's a big word Jethro. You may have to look it up.) Finally it was time to throw the cats in and go. They decided to take a minute and take a photo as tradition dictates for posterity. (More big words.)

Look how young, happy and gay our explorers look. It was going to be a grand and glorious day full of so much promise and hope.

Fate can be a fickle "B" word. And fate said "Wait just a gosh darn moment!" We didn't hear her because our hearts were light and gay, remember? 

Tango jumped into the truck ready to hit the open road. To feel the wind whip through what's left of his hair and see what lays ahead. Tango turns the key to hear the mighty diesel roar to life. (Insert the sound of chirping crickets here.) Nothing. NOTHING!  I just had this stupid thing in for service! "Damn you over priced dealership service!" Turn the key, nothing. Turn the key, nothing. I'm sure if I keep doing it a dozen more times something will happen.

"Gladys, you're going to have to jump me." I said.

"Okay Tango, but I'm not as spry as I once was." She said in her sexy sultry voice.

"I mean jump start my truck."

When the truck started, they turned their vehicles west for the big adventure. Now our explorers should have taken that as an omen and returned to their recliners for the winter but, NO. It rained and rained the entire day. Sometimes very heavily. At one point Tango lost visual on Gladys in her U-Haul. He radioed back at her and she never answered. I slowed down hoping she would catch up and finally resorted to calling her. She answered and said "Did you see that big puddle of water on the side of the highway?" "Yes I did. So I swerved around it." I said. "Well I didn't. I almost went into the ditch. I think I pee'd my pants."

The truck not starting. the all day rain with downpours, Gladys almost hydroplaning into the ditch, fate is trying to tell us something. Is this trip doomed from the very beginning? To make things worse, this is the first trip without Moose. However it is Stinky's first trip. So what does she do. She poops in her cage. She was very embarrassed about it.

We made it alive to our first stop. It is farther now to go back home than to our final destination so we must press on. 

Day one is in the books. Not to put a jinx on it but how much worse can day two be.

Day two, 20 Sept. 2025

Day 2 started off much better. We got an early start, excited to get to our final destination. There was only one glitch in that leg of the journey. Fog. We went thru about a 40 mile stretch of fog that got so thick at times you could only see about a hundred feet in front of your vehicle. I am so amazed at some of the people who lack the common sense as to not turn on their headlights in the fog. They always seem to be the ones driving white vehicles also. The fog slowed us down to 40-50 miles an hour at times. 

Once we got through that we made a stop in Wall SD because when you go by Wall Drug you have to stop. It's like a SD law or something. Gladys said she wanted to ride a Jackelope so what Gladys wants, Gladys gets.

Finally we made it to our final destination. I can't tell you where that is at the moment. We are waiting to see how it goes before we admit to anything. More blogs to follow.

One more thing to add. We survived a close call with a T-Rex. We were lucky to leave with our lives. See how adventurous we are?

Before you get alarmed about the SSUVFL being unprotected, I assure you it is. I hired a security guy who will be there 24/7. Here is a picture of him on patrol.

He may look skinny but he is scrappy.

Soup Season Wrap Up

 It's sad but it's true. Soup season has ended for us early. 

Due to a commitment next week we have closed down the soup trailer early. This year we did not keep track of the amount of soup we sold like we have in the past. I know that will disappoint Harry and Jim because I know they live for those stats. However I will add that for our last big event, which was a three day event, we ended up selling 17 gallons of soup.

We did 61 events this year. Down 30 events from our first year. We have finally learned what events are decent and which ones are not. Live and learn. By doing fewer events, we have drastically lowered our food costs and controlled the waste so much better.

The questions we get from people still make me laugh. Like "Do you take cash?" For the record, we do. And because of that so many people bring us hundred dollar bills. We are thinking of changing our name to Lone Pine Soup Co. and Bank.

Another favorite question I like to hear is that when people order, they want their food to go. Cracks me up every time.

We did a lot of new events this year, some that Lisa has been trying to get in for years, finally paying off. We met a lot of great people at some fun events. We thank everyone who has helped support us. 

Now it is time to rest and hibernate for the winter. We will see what next season brings. Until then. 

Adieu!