Security Breach at the SSUVFL!

 The SSUVFL stands for Super Secret Undisclosed Virus Free Location. It's what we call our little oasis deep in the woods of Minnesota. We love our land for the privacy, the peace and quiet that surrounds us and not to mention the abundant wildlife that we share it with. It is so wooded that we cannot see our neighbors at all. Being secluded like we are we have to take some extra measures as to not attract any meth-heads who want to set up a meth lab in the middle of our woods. 

So with the measures we have taken you can imagine our surprise when a vehicle drives down our driveway, past our house and into the woods it went. Let me take you back to the other day.

It's around 9 o'clock at night. I am in the spare bedroom watching TV. That's where I like to watch shows with John Wayne and Clint Eastwood in them while the missus watches her soaps in the living room. From my window in the bedroom you get a perfect view of the driveway and much to my surprise out of the corner of my eye I see headlights coming down the driveway. I yell to the missus "Gladys! put your bloomers on! We have company!" Not knowing who it could be at this hour, I walk to the front door to continue watching.

Would you drive down a road in the dark that looked like this? Maybe I need to play banjo music.

Most people will see the house and then drive to it. So I waited to see who could be interrupting my John Wayne movie marathon. But they did not turn to the house but they continued on into the woods beyond. "Gladys! Sound the alarms! They went into the woods!" Sirens start blaring, flashing lights turn on everywhere. A voice over our intercom starts bellowing "Alarm red! I repeat, alarm red! To battle stations!" I throw on my emergency shorts and start to head out the door to chase them down in the Ranger. I grab the closest gun I could get which happened to be a .38 snub nose revolver that's usually close by and jump into the Ranger. 

Living deep in the woods like we are I am our first responder whether I like it or not. The road into our woods only goes about 100 yards farther but then turns into ATV trails. So I get near the end of the road and see lights starting to turn around. Not knowing who this person is or how many might be in the vehicle made me a little nervous. So I pull up in front of them with my lights shining into the vehicle and I see a woman as the only person inside. I then pull alongside and ask her what she's doing out here. She said she was looking for her dog. I said we would keep an eye out for it but have not seen anything since we have cameras at the front. She then left with me following behind to make sure. 

After the incident it made me think. That lady had to be pretty brave or pretty stupid to just start driving into peoples properties. We have a sign at the beginning of our driveway that says Private Drive. Then after that you get to a gate that has a sign that says No Trespassing.

And finally not going to our house and telling us her situation? If she would have come to the door it would have saved us from having a potential heart attack. Secondly, should I have for just such a situation something more than a .38 snub nose revolver? What if the sh*t were to hit the fan? This world is getting crazy. For this situation it was fine because it just stayed on the seat in a case. If I would have showed up with, say my Zombie Slayer 3000 it might have freaked her out. The Zombie Slayer 3000 is my Zombie Apocalypse/Alien attack gun.

This is my AR build I'm working on. It's got a red dot scope on top. Offset iron sights in case the battery dies or there is an EMP. I have attached a bayonet that's really cool and I need to get a light laser combo for it. I then just have to sit and wait for the zombies/aliens. I hope I don't have to wait long though.

On a more personal note. I have reached some milestones this year. Some that I just don't know if I need to reach. For starters turning 62 and collecting Social Security. Secondly having our friends teach us to play Bingo like we are sitting in a retirement home or something. And thirdly my race to becoming decrepit is complete. In a nutshell. I fell. Not gracefully either.

I was mowing some brush on the property with a walk behind weed whacker. I was cutting a 4 foot tall thistle and it fell right on top of the mower. Being a thistle, I didn't want to use my hand to knock it off, so I used my foot to kick it off. Of course my foot gets tangled into the cable that runs through there. Then my world went into slow motion. I fell backwards trying not to land on my wrist that is already injured. So I landed on my elbow. To make it worse I fell on thistles I already cut down. So then I was picking thistle barbs out of my leg and arm. Luckily no one saw me. Next stop, the nursing home I guess. I bet they have butterscotch pudding there.

Until then.

Trying to Catch Up

 I am so far behind on the blog that some readers thought that I had unexpectedly passed away. I assure you that I am alive and well (mostly well anyways). So here goes a quick abridged version of our goings on.

I left the world hanging about our April trip to the Blackhills of SD. We went out there because our "Good" friends wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party! Although telling us in advance really doesn't make it a surprise. But I will take what I can get. I turned 62 this year! That means that I can start collecting Social Security! Maybe I can finally quit slinging soup and enjoy the little things in life. Maybe even some of the finer things also since I am now collecting 3 retirement checks. Raking in the money.

So we went to the Blackhills with our new travel trailer and stayed at Jim and Barbs for a week. I guess since I was turning 62 they thought that they should teach me how to play Bingo. Being the respectful adult  that I am when it comes to dealing with people so much older than myself I just nodded and went along with it. Along with their friends Dan and Bonnie, we all went out to one of the local taverns where the bingo session was taking place. 

Dan, Bonnie, Barb and Jim.

It was a fun evening. Jim and Barb taught us how to handle the daubber so that we could daub like the best for them. I think if I remember right Barb or Bonnie won one game and got some bar merchandise or something of that sorts. Finally the last game was a blackout game that was worth several thousands of dollars. This is how close Lisa was to winning it.

We thought that if Lisa would have one we would have been chased out of town by the angry villagers with pitchforks and torches.  At the party itself, It was again Dan and Bonnie, Jim and Barb and Lisa and I. If you count the dogs that makes eight of us all together. Biggest Party I have ever had. Dan and Bonnie gave me a box of 9mm shells which didn't last a day when I got home but they were greatly appreciated. Jim and Barb gave me an awesome T-shirt.

I actually made $1.00 selling it at our garage sale. Thanks Jim and Barb! But I wasn't the only one getting gifts that day. I gave Jim and Barb a gift. Just a token of my friendship.

It was a coaster set with pictures of me in them. Four different pictures so that they can see my beautiful face every day and be reminded of me. The gift that keeps on giving. It was a fun filled week and then it was time to head home. Soup season was about to begin and that pretty much consumes most of our days.

This season we have cut out a lot of events that weren't worth the effort. So we are working fewer events but they are better events and we are still making about the same amount of money. When I am not slinging soup I have decided to build a shed on our property. Never having done one before I think it is coming along pretty well. I started in early June with just an idea I had inside my mind.

Started with a size. 10 X 16

Plywood floor.

Started building walls.

Shed walls completed.

There's a shed on one side and the other side will be a lean to.

The ceiling joists up.

The roof is on.

Most of the steel is on now.

I am about 90% done as of today. It is going along better than I thought. I mean when you hire "Cripple Guy Construction" you just never know how it will end up. (Cripple Guy Construction is me for those who may not have known.) I just have some trim work to figure out and to build my door for it. It will be nice to get some of the equipment we have out of the barn and into the shed so we can have some room to move around.

On a more personal note. The reason that I have had the energy to do that kind of project is that I am on a GLP-1 drug. After my hip replacement surgery and the complication that followed, along with my Achilles problem, I have not been able to get up and move for any type of exercise at all. At one point I could barely make walking through Walmart. My weight increased a lot more than I would have ever liked, but it did. So I was prescribed Zepbound in February. To date I have lost 56 pounds. My energy levels are back and I am feeling pretty good. I have some other nagging issues and am trying to work through those.

This drug is pretty amazing. They say it takes away all of the food noise and that it does. I have no cravings what so ever. I don't get any hunger pains. Sometimes I just have to eat something or else I could just skip many meals altogether. Which is weird because I loved food as I am sure you could tell. Side effects have been minimal. Giving myself a shot weekly has been fine because it is an auto injector that I just stab myself with. They say that you can't eat anything deep fried because of the grease. Take my word for it. It is true. I ate an order of French fries once and my body rejected it very quickly. LOL. Lesson learned. 

Now we are into August all ready. The summer has flown by. I shall try to do better with updates in the future. My bad.

For the Record/Part 1

 It is true that we left the safety of the SSUVFL for parts unknown. The people that we went to help out seem to regale a tale of mirth and frivolity at the expense of myself, to be blunt about it. Reading his account makes me feel like I am reading a story in the National Enquirer or some other tabloid. A story you would find between ones like this; "Elvis found working a toll booth on the Jersey turnpike", and "Monica Lewinsky swallows the truth!". 

If you would like to waste your time reading his account you can do so here. Jethro's blog post.

So here is how the events truly unfolded. Let me take you back to the time right before Easter.

Gladys(aka Lisa) and I(Tango), are preparing for a family holiday together. I like to use our aliases to protect the innocent. When all of a sudden the phone rings.

"Hello Jethro" I say.

"Tango!!!!! You need to hitch up your new wagon and high tale it out here! " Jethro said. Almost whimpering. "We need ya help! This is a full on red alarm dadgum emergency! We, we..........". Nothing but sobbing could be heard after that. Bambi then took the phone from him and tried to explain more. Now when Bambi speaks, it almost sounds like purring. So soft and sensual. The kind of voice you would gladly pay $1.99 a minute for. We assured her that we would make our way out there.

There are a couple of different types of sobbing from Jethro. Like the sobbing when he has had way too much to drink, usually preceded by the words, "I luv ya man". Or the type of sobbing when he gets a boo-boo and Bambi has to get him his favorite Hello Kitty bandaids. This sobbing seemed more sincere so we knew it would have to be something really wrong.

So we cancelled our Easter plans and loaded up our new camper. Anxious to take it out on its maiden voyage. The trip was uneventful which is the way we like it. Except for our one cat Journey. She was not too enthused about this trip. In fact she would climb behind our recliner sofa and get herself stuck. Three times she did that earning her the nickname "Ass cat". Being our first RV trip in a new rig, we had to stop at every Walmart along the way to pick up something we had forgotten. Not kidding about that.

As we pulled into Jethro and Bambi's driveway, Jethro came running out. Glass of bourbon in one hand and the usual bag of pork rinds in the other. Bambi on the other hand just kind of sashay's down the driveway. Almost as if she is walking in slow motion. Hips swaying to an imaginary beat that only she and your own heartbeat can hear. 

Jethro immediately started ranting something in gibberish and flying pork rinds. Every once in awhile I could make out a word here or there. He was talking about critters or something. He started to calm down and his words were more understandable. Once he was calm and coherent, or maybe it was the bourbon kicking in, could we finally understand what was going on. I do miss the smell of bourbon and pork rinds. Not!

Jethro said "We have to fix the watering hole. The big critters can drink just fine but the little critters are going thirsty. It breaks my heart." A sob starts to escape him. I looked over at Bambi to see if this was true. She just looked at me and winked while licking her lips. Okay then.

That evening we ate a delicious Chinese meal prepared by Bambi and Gladys. It was so good you would have thought she trained in China. Jethro was drinking a variety of alcohol. Whatever he could grab hold of. We made plans for the next day on how to save the critters.

The next day we gathered the tools and equipment that we thought we would need and piled into his Ranger UTV to go to the waterin hole. After another perfect meal from Bambi. Now Bambi is a great cook. Whether it is simple meals or more complex meals she does not disappoint. But however, I seemed to start noticing a trend at meal times and it goes like this.

Bambi cooks the meal and dishes it up to Jethro who is sitting in his recliner, feet in the air and a drink on the side table. He eats his meal in his recliner. When he is done, you can hear an audible escape of gas from one of two areas, sometimes both, and then Bambi will get his plate and get him a fresh drink. When we got home I mentioned that to him and I said that his recliner almost seems like it is a high chair for old people. I also pointed out that the dogs are circling like sharks waiting for the food he drops or food that flies out of his mouth when he is jibber jabbing away. 

Back to the tale at hand. We got to the watering hole.

Jethro says in tears, "See that dead squirrel over there. He wanted a drink of water and fell in and drowned. I put that board in there to prevent that but it fell in also so he couldn't get out." More sobbing was heard.

As he wiped away his tears, he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed "So be it from the powers that be, no critters will die at this watering hole again, except for the ones that I shoot! Amen!"

So our plan was to make a smaller watering hole for the smaller critters. He had a float valve, hose and bucket for the task. We just had to use our ingenuity to make it all work.

Jethro being supervised by me.

Which we did after making several trips back to the shed for parts and more tools. It was a team effort for sure.

Testing to make sure it works.

Then finally he sunk it into the ground so that it wouldn't tip over.

The finished product.

There are some fine tuning things that need to be done but it works and the critters will not die now. Jethro wants to bury the hose and put barbed wire around the base of the windmill to keep the cows and deer from stepping in it. Crisis averted. "

"That there is a job well done! Thanks for explaining to me what a bunghole really was. I never knew what it was until now. This calls for a drink!" Jethro exclaimed.

More tales to come.

March Re-cap

 Here we are at the end of March, 2026 already. For us, that's another winter in the books. We have had about 3 false springs this month. It seems that Mother Nature just cannot make up her mind. We started March with a lot of snow on the ground and then all of a sudden we will get a couple of days of unseasonably warm weather. Meaning above freezing. It will melt much of the snow. Our first false spring. 

Then just as quickly, the temps drop to around zero for a week and again, all of a sudden warmer weather. This will last a few days and then the ground starts to thaw out. That turns our gravel driveway into a mud bog. Thankfully both of our vehicles have four wheel drive and for a few days you really needed it. Our second false spring.

Then the temps drop again. Freezing the driveway now with big giant ruts in it. Then it will thaw out again and we are back to mud. I don't know if Mother Nature is having hot flashes or what but she needs to make up her mind on what she wants to do. Hot or Cold. Pick one.

As our life is always changing (like the weather), we said good bye to another faithful friend. Our pickup camper. It was just time to let it go. It let us go on many adventures but it was just getting too small for extended lengths of stays. 

Somewhere in Alaska.

We originally bought it to go on the Alaska Pilgrimage. It worked perfectly for that trip. We loved it. If you haven't driven that trip in an RV, you are missing out. We took it on a month-long trip to Colorado. We have been to Florida with it. We even ended up staying in it for almost a year down in the deserts of the south west. Then that pesky Covid hit and changed how we would RV forever after that. Remember we sold our fifth wheel a couple of years ago. Now our pickup camper follows suit.

Camping on a Texas beach.

Another Texas beach.

Somewhere in Missouri I think.

With the pickup camper, you can almost go anywhere with it due to the small size. We have some friends who have one and they just love to go to Walmarts for the weekend. Why? I don't know. With that camper you can get into all of the National parks. With fifth wheels and motorhomes it can be tough at times, if not impossible. 

With our campers gone, what does that mean for us? Well as the young people say, "We did a thing!."

We decided to go to a travel trailer. It's a 2023 Grand Design Imagine travel trailer. It is 26 feet long. Just over half the size of our 40 foot fifth wheel and twice the size of the pickup camper! It has more room and what Lisa really loves about it, it has recliners and a shower big enough for two! 

So you may see us back on the road again soon. If you do that means we did not see you first. LOL. I wonder where our first destination should be?

Still Hibernating

 Mid February here at the SSUVFL. I don't care what that groundhog says, we always have at least 6 more weeks of winter. 

I got a telegram from my most loyal reader the other day. (Ah, who am I kidding, I think he is my only reader.) He said to me that he thinks it's time to write a blog. To which I said to him, "Why are you sending telegrams Jethro? Have you not heard of texting or emailing?" His reply was that "The 
Government" can track those communications, so he prefers to travel to Mexico and then communicate from a different country. You just never know what's going on inside the mind of a prepper.

So I got to thinking about a topic. When we are in hibernation mode here deep in the wilderness of Minnesota, we don't do a whole lot of anything. I have been bingeing a lot of TV. Specifically James Bond movies. Did you know there are 26 James Bond movies? I started with the first one. "Dr. No". It was released in 1962. Two years before my birth. If it would have come after my birth he may not be named "Bond, James Bond". Instead it would most likely be "Oliver, Dino Oliver" being the influence that I am. 

I love looking at the old technology of the day. I'm sure that in their minds that stuff was cutting edge and I am sure that it was. It was nothing compared to today's tech. I love seeing the cars of the day in action. Like seeing a 1957 Chevy convertible in a high speed chase. I am a gun aficionado (big word Jethro), it's true. James Bond started out with a 25 caliber Barretta and moved up to his iconic 32 caliber Walther PPK. They describe the move in the movie like this. The .32 caliber bullet hits like a brick through a plate glass window. Not by today's standards I'm afraid. 

Back in the olden days kids, we would get mailed to us, something called a TV Guide.

It was just a small magazine with articles about celebraties and it would list every show that would be on the Television for the month. So you could look at a glance at what would be on. Not like todays version of scrolling for hours just to find something to watch. I would get excited if I saw that a James Bond, Clint Eastwood or John Wayne movie would be coming on. Then I could plan accordingly. However back in the day I would never get to see those movies on our giant 19 inch color RCA console TV that sat on the floor. Noooo! I would have to sit in the corner of our kitchen and watch it in black and white on our tiny 13 inch TV. But I got to watch them so I am not complaining.

Watching James Bond is great. They made a few movies called Austin Powers, that was a satire of James Bond. Watching that and seeing the similarities to James Bond just makes it even more funny. In Austin Powers whenever he was going to hit somebody he would say "Judo chop!" Watching James Bond now, he would be fighting people and then he would do a karate chop on them. You can see it coming in every movie and now when I see it I'm saying out loud "Judo chop!" Then I chuckle to myself for being so clever. LOL! If you haven't seen the Austin Powers movies you must. They are hilarious.

Watching these spy movies jogged a memory from the past. Do you remember reading comic books and in the back you would see a page full of ads? There was some really cool stuff on them like X-ray glasses. Magic tricks, Itching powder. All kinds of things that young boys could get to torment their friends and family.

In one such comic book I found a miniature spy camera. So I ordered it. It was like this one in the following picture.

It was very small and it came with a roll of film. I snuck around for days taking pictures only to find out that when the roll was full, there was no place to develop it. It was fun while it lasted.

I thought since we were hibernating that I could write a great spy novel. After being inspired by the great James Bond. I mean if Jethro can do it, how hard could it be? But after doing some research I found that the titles for the books I would write have already been written. Like these.

That's some funny stuff right there.

This one is my favorite.

The Angry Dame book series. I guess someone has already written books about Lisa. Lead sandwiches are the only thing on the menu. I love it!

That's it for this little trip down memory lane. I hope you enjoyed it. Soup season is right around the corner and we are already booking events for the summer. 

Until next time. Keep your powder dry and keep reaching for the stars.

Cabin Fever

*Some images may not be suitable for young readers. 

Somewhere deep in the bowels of northern Minnesota, far, far away from the Ice storm in Minneapolis, sits our hero's, Tango and Glady's (aka. Dino and Lisa). We are experiencing the coldest weather to date now. Up until now it has been mild they say, for the arctic I guess. 

We have lived up here in the north for many years. 61 for me and 29 for Glady's. It's amazing how she celebrates turning 29 every year. But I digress. If you have lived here for any length of time at all, you know that it's going to get cold in January and February. No ifs, ands or buts about it, our weather forecasters want to put the fear of God into us with the way they report it which just drives me nuts.

Just look at the scare words in just this headline. Onslaught of dangerous snow, crippling ice. Potentially historic. Set to unleash life-threatening cold. I just don't get it. Maybe if people would quit wearing shorts and hoodies when it is 20 below zero, that might solve some of the problems. But I'm just going to shake my head at this point and move on. 

When it's this cold out, we don't do a whole lot outside. We'll just stay inside and binge shows on the ole boob tube. That's where cabin fever starts to set in. Here is a screenshot from Wikipedia about it.

We often find ourselves asking each other "What are we going to do today?" Over and over it goes. Same question every day. I think that we ask ourselves that in hopes that the other person finally has something or someplace interesting to go to so that we can get out of the house for a brief moment. For me, the highlights of the days have been going to medical appointments. How old and sad am I now?

But on the medical front I do have some good news. My ankle issues have gotten better. I have graduated from physical therapy. So last week I had my last follow-up appointment with my podiatrist and she was happy with the results. However when she was examining my ankle she saw my ingrown toenail that I have been suffering with for weeks. If it's not one thing it's another.

She said she could take care of that while I was there, so she did. She numbed it. cut it out and I was done. 10 minute procedure.

After the procedure.

A few days later.

It feels so much better. Now I can get back to my foot modeling career. Here is another example of how hard my life is. I went in for my semi yearly physical. With that they do a lot of blood work. I have noticed that the last few times that the phlebotomists have been having a tough time finding my veins. Could it be that my veins have collapsed from having been poked so many times? Well she could not find my veins at all so do you know where she drew the blood from? My bicep, that's where! Never have I ever had blood drawn from there. Boy did that sting. Now look at the final result days later.

A big giant bruise. Sheesh!

Well that's it. Until inspiration strikes again. Good news! It's warmed up outside from -26 below to -18 below zero. I may have to put on some shorts and go outside.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

 

Another year has come and gone. It goes by so fast. I look back at my younger years and it seemed like time moved at a much slower pace. It seemed like my school years took forever to get through. Nowadays I wish I could relive them. Like my first crush in fourth grade with a girl named Beth. Singing in the middle school choir at this time of year was always special. Four years of being in our Catholic High School. Four years in the Air Force. Marriage. Kids and now grand kids. It's like a snowball rolling down a hill. But I digress.

Christmas is such a special time of year. I love the snow on the ground and the houses decorated with colored lights. Inside our house, the tree is all decorated and presents surrounding it.

I love Christmas music. I have it on a lot when Lisa isn't around. I like the stuff from Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Mannheim Steam Roller or older stuff like Vince Guaraldi. This will be the first year without Moose. But he is with us in spirit.

The smells of the holidays also bring joy. Like the smell of baking. Today Lisa is make Krumkake. Pronounced "Croom-ka-ka". It is a traditional, thin, crisp Norwegian waffle cookie rolled into a cone.

Placing a dollop of dough on the Krumkake maker.

Once the dough is placed on the iron , it is closed for about 20 seconds.

Then the Krumkake is taken off the iron hot and rolled into a cone.

Once cooled they are a crispy delicious cookie.

The finished product.

This year will be the first time at changing our holiday meal. Normally we would have a ham with all of the fixings but we are going to change it up this year. We decided to go out for Chinese food at lunch and then have hors d'oeuvre's for the rest of the day. We all agreed that nobody ever complains of not having enough food at the holidays. Just the opposite.

Another new tradition will be our holiday game. The last few years we have been doing a saran wrap ball filled with all kinds of goodies. Last year, the boys each had their own and then two other for the adults because of all of the things inside them. 

Last year's Saran wrap balls and Stinky.

This year we have made a new game thanks to the influencers called Jim and Barb, aka, Jethro and Bambi. We are going to play "Shut the Box" and the lowest score can pick a gift plus they can pick a gift card from a stack I have. It will be like gift card roulette because the gift card may be full, empty or somewhere in between.

So with Christmas here, we would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May 2026 be filled with wonder and glory for all.

l-r. Santa, Jorin(8mos.), Audie(74mos.) and Virgo(92mos.)

Wait a minute, Why would my first picture be of a package of bacon?

Let me explain the torture that I must endure. Last week Lisa and I went to Wallyworld to shop. She put in the shopping cart a package of bacon. My mouth starts watering and I'm thinking that there must be a special occasion coming up because she knows I would kill for bacon. So a few days later I come in from outside and I smell bacon. So I ask her if I can have a piece which is code for wanting all of it. (The package isn't resealable so that means it's a single serving, right?) Do you know what she tells me?

"You can have 'one' piece" She says. "That's her bacon".

"What?!" Her bacon. Her bacon? 

If we ever get divorced I can now see a custody battle as to who gets the bacon. By the way, that's a picture of "MY" bacon.