Wednesday, September 21, 2022

Inside the SSUVFL


There are areas on this planet that we know very little about. Such as the bottom of the ocean, the Amazon rain forest, Area 51 and the SSUVFL. The SSUVFL? "I've never heard of it before" you say. Exactly! There are rumors all over the interweb about its existence. So I would like to share some of the declassified information that I can. First of all, what does SSUVFL stand for?

S - Super. As in super cool.

S - Secret. As in none of your business.

U - Undisclosed. As in we don't want to tell you where it is.

V - Virus. As in Covid and now the ever scary Monkey Pox.

F - Free. As in no trace of.

L - Location. As in where it may or may not be.

Here is a Skynet satellite photo from outer space of the SSUVFL. As you can see the photo has been redacted and we have successfully camouflaged everything from prying eyes.

The next photo I can show you is from a Google spy car that drove by our entrance. I can show you the photo because it is several years old now and the entrance doesn't look like that anymore. It is much less conspicuous now.

As you drive up the gentle incline, you will crest a small hill. The hill has been strategically placed there to stop prying eyes from just peering in. Here you will come to two warning signs.

These are the only warnings you will get. So if you happen to stumble upon the SSUVFL by accident, it is best to turn around at that point. The top sign says Private Property, no trespassing.  The bottom sign is the one that you really need to be worried about. Turtle crossing. What it really means is "Beware of attack turtles." I searched the interweb and could not find a sign that said "beware of attack turtles" so I went with something that was very close to it. It means that I have trained the local snapping turtle population to become ravenous blood thirsty attack turtles.

This one is Brewtis. He patrols the grounds of the SSUVFL nonstop.
Brewtis checks the doors to make sure they are secured.

Brewtis is a medium size snapper. We have larger ones that are about the size of Komodo Dragons lurking around. So trespassers beware. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "why don't I just sneak into the SSUVFL in the winter when the attack turtles are hibernating?" I have thought of that also so that is why I am training the Pileated Woodpeckers to swoop in and peck your brains and eyes out.

Here's a picture of one attacking a simulated head. If that doesn't deter people from finding us I always have the hidden machine gun nests, mortar pits, tiger pits and the local tribe of pygmy cannibals to take care of unwanted visitors.

What have we really been up to? Well when we are not working for the "man" we are doing an endless list of improvements here at the SSUVFL. Along with lots and lots of family time.


Lolli and the little ones on movie night.

Lisa and my sister Gio enjoying a car show.

Our maiden voyage of our pontoon.

Enjoying some brewski's. l-r. Me, Lisa Brother-in-law Jeff and my sister Gio.

Lolli making memories with the kids.

BBQ with the fam.

Lolli getting sticky with the grandkids.

Most of our summer projects have come to an end. Lisa continues to clear brush around the SSUVFL giving us great fields of fire now. We rented a log splitter one day to help us get prepared for a long cold winter.
Even while busy working, Lisa will always have time to stop and pose for a photo shoot by the paparazzi. One of the jobs I was putting off was sealing the front part of our driveway. I did the section in front of the barn earlier in the summer.

I did it in three days and it took about 13 buckets of sealer. It looks great and one lady driving by asked if I hired out. To which I quickly told her "No".

Now the news I am sure you all have been waiting for. How is my health? I am glad you asked. I have been back to the Mayo Clinic several times this last summer. My last visit was with the hand surgeon. He basically said that opening up my hand again was not an option and that I must learn to live with the annoyance that it is. It is what it is.

I went in for my regular check up a couple of weeks ago. I told my DR. about how much my hips hurt and that I limp all of the time. X-rays were taken and confirmed by Orthopedics and they all came to the same conclusion. Exercise and death marches are bad for me and I need hip replacement surgery. 

When I went home and told Lisa the results I thought I might get something like this. "Oh honey, you must be in so much pain. You should take it easy and stop working." But what I actually got was "Well, you have a lot of projects to get done before your surgery."

So I continue to hobble around here to get things done so that Lisa will let me get my surgery and find some relief from pain. Poor me.


  1. "Poor Dino" words that have never been uttered. Well, except by Dino himself.
    Why didn't you mention that your hands and hips were bothering you? I would have come out and helped you seal your driveway!

    1. I haven't figured out how people get you to help them. I think I have narrowed it down to money or beer. But I am doubting beer because you have drank all of mine every time you visit and still no work.

  2. Yup she's cracking the whip about projects lol Hope you get surgery relatively soon so you feel better. The recovery takes some time but the horrible pain will be gone.

    1. That is what I hear but hopefully this one will be a success. Unlike my hand surgeries.

  3. Maybe you could hire Jim out to seal the lady’s drive and collect his wages as beer money. It would be practice for the next time yours needs attention, he would already be well able to do it for you with all the practice he would be getting and you should have plenty of beer from all his wages.