Sunday, January 14, 2018

Second Time Knee Surgery

"It's time for our walk" my better half says to me.

"No its not" I say, "Wouldn't a better name be Death March?"

Then I get the "LOOK" and I am up and ready to go with a smile plastered all over my face. And so another day starts in our household. Until recently that is.

Second Time Knee Surgery. The first time happened 9 years ago before we started this more active lifestyle. I was getting into my pick-up. I stepped up with my left leg, my right leg twisted but my knee didn't and POP it went and down on the ground I went. "Help I've fallen and I can't get up!" 3 days I laid in the driveway only to be rescued by Lisa when she noticed I didn't bring home a paycheck.

The second time was a little less dramatic. We were walking in Florida last winter. A dull pain started in my left knee. Week after week of death marches slowly made the pain get worse and worse. Finally in September when I had my yearly physical that I told my doctor about it. She referred me to an orthopedic doctor who took x-rays and finally an MRI and confirmed what I had thought all along. Exercise is bad for you. My argument has always been that your joints were only meant to move so many times in your lifetime. So you speed up wearing them out by exercising more and that is how I wrecked my knee. I have always had my eye on one of these bad boys.
The orthopedic doctor then referred me to a knee surgeon right before Christmas and then scheduled surgery for Jan. 12th. That is one of the other reasons that brought us up to the frozen tundra of Minnesota and also keeping us here for so long. The surgeon doesn't want me to travel because of the risk of blood clots.

The surgery went along fine. The hospital called the day before the surgery to give us a final time to arrive. I got bumped up from 12:30 to 10:00 which was fine with me since you have to fast before hand. Lisa drove me to Fargo and we got checked in. They then led me to a pre-op room where I was told to strip (gladly) and put on a super sexy hospital gown. The nurse then shaved my knee, and then proceeded to put an anti-embolism sock on my right foot. Those are very tight socks that help prevent blood clots. As she was doing this awkward maneuver to get them on, my foot was getting to second base. This day is starting out pretty good!

So once that was done and our cigarettes finished another nurse came in for more prep work. She asked a lot of questions like "Do you feel safe at home?" What if I say "no". Will they whisk me out of there, enter me in the witness protection program or something? She then installed the IV into my hand. Once prepped, they called Lisa in to wait with me for a little bit. I confessed to her where I hid all my valuables. The Swiss bank accounts and the slush fund hidden in a bank in the Bahamas. 
Me in the Pre-op room.

They then moved us to a holding area for the surgery. I initialled my knee and then the surgeon came in and initialled the same knee so we knew what knee was to be done. No confusion here. Now it was going to happen soon.
Final holding area.

This was the look if I didn't make it.
The time came and Lisa had a very tearful goodbye. She said that her life wouldn't be the same because no one could make her feel like a woman as I could. But if the worse was to happen there was a cute doctor down the hall that she saw.

They whisked me into the operating room and before I could regale them with my biking escapade in Lanesboro I was out cold. I woke up sometime later by a nurse in the post-op room nudging me. She gave me some ice which happened to be the best ice in the world and sat me up to see if I would stay awake. I did, so she moved me to a recliner and pushed me into another recovery room. There I was given toast, which was the best toast in the world.  I was able to keep that down and then Lisa and Kendra joined me for our post-op meeting.

Everything went swimmingly and we were given a lot of directions. My knee felt good. It was wrapped up pretty tight. No pain but the pain killers were working. They even gave me a roady for the trip home. Lisa got my pain meds and then the car for the trip back to Fergus. No crutches this time. I was able to put weight on it right away. My last knee surgery, I had crutches for 3 days.
My knee wrapped up.
They sent me home with what I assume are pictures of the inside of my knee. At least I hope that is what they are. To me it looks like they may have given me a vagina. 
Inside my knee I hope.
So I have to keep my knee elevated and iced until Monday. Then we can strip off the wrap and change the bandages. So I will have to add what that looks like later, so check back on Monday.

Me, hard at work. Photo courtesy of Lisa.


  1. Glad to hear the surgery was a success! Next time you go under the knife Barb and I will be happy to store all your valuables for you...

    1. Thanks. I noticed you didn't even send any flowers. Barb could have sent some pie or something.

  2. You're hilarious Dino, you had us both in stitches. At least it wasn't wee knee surgery! 😜 Take care.

  3. Glad to hear all went well! What exactly did they do? I’ve been told some type of arthroscopic thing might help me with my knees - before eventual replacement. UGH! In the meantime, I use KT Tape, which is much less invasive - but also less fun than you’ve been having - so there’s that!
    Wishing you a continued quick recovery!

    1. Thanks. I had a torn meniscus. So they just go into the knee thru small incisions and cut the tear away.

  4. Dino, this is hilarious. I hope your recovery is quick. If they did indeed add a vagina to your knee.... well, you may be a bit more moody and sensitive. Good luck with that! :-)

    1. Thanks. I hope recovery is quick so we can get back to warmer weather.