*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
After we got back from our trip to the gulf coast, we felt safe in our super secret undisclosed virus free location (SSUVFL). We were getting back into our daily routine of working on the cabin and taking care of our little piece of paradise. I was out in the back forty setting up barbwire and placing landmines (That's a joke so don't call the BATF), when Gladys came running up to me. Hair disheveled, face all flush, out of breath and sweating. Between her gasping for air she was able to get these three words out.
My eyes became wide, my heart started to beat more rapidly and my hands started to shake. It was like OMG! The zombie apocalypse I have been preparing for and waiting for has finally arrived.
"Gladys, go get the guns! Hurry!" I said.
"What for?" said Gladys.
"Well you said they're coming. Didn't you mean the zombie hoard?"
"No. It's worse than that." she said.
I laughed and said "what could be worse than millions of flesh eating zombies knocking on your door?"
Nearly in tears now she blurted out "JETHRO AND BAMBI ARE ON THEIR WAY!" She then started screaming hysterically.
My eyes got even wider, my heart was ready to burst out of my chest and my body went into a shaking spasm. Not Jethro Buckhumper and Bambi Poledancer. It couldn't be, it just couldn't be. I quickly regained my composure, grabbed Gladys by the shoulders and then Will Smithed her ass. (That means I slapped her just in case you are not up to speed on current events).(Also that didn't really happen. I would never ever dare slap Gladys because she would beat me to a pulp).
I said to Gladys, "Prepare yourself. I am heading to the liquor store. I pray that I have time to get back before they arrive. How long are they staying?"
"Two nights this time!"
Off I went in my pickup. Tires squealing out of the driveway. I picked up 3 bottles of rum. 2 types of spiced rum and a bottle of Captain Morgan. I got a bottle of Galliano, a bottle of Banana Liqueur. three and a half cases of beer and bottles of wine. When I checked out the lady at the liquor store asked if we were throwing a party. I said that we have some people from Wisconsin coming over.
"OMG!" she said. "Do you think that will be enough alcohol?"
"Let's pray to the heavens that it is" I said. "They are only staying 2 nights."
She said a prayer for me as I struggled to wheel my over burdened shopping cart out to the truck. I made it home with a little time to spare. We got the truck unloaded and put away when we heard the neighbor's dog start barking. Gladys and I looked at each other with saucer shaped eyes. We swallowed hard and put on the best smiles we could as a 1 ton dodge with a pickup camper on it came sliding up to our house as if Bo and Luke Duke where driving it. I thought it was going to tip over.
Out of the windows jumped Jethro and Bambi. Now Bambi we don't mind having here, it's just that she always has to bring that man of hers with her.
I guess you can tell by the pictures who's Jethro and who's Bambi. Jethro went to hug Gladys and spilled the beer he was carrying all over the front of her shirt while simultaneously dripping tobacco juice in her hair and on her shoulder. Bambi hugged me and I thought that I had suddenly become the pole for her next dancing routine. Don't get me wrong, I liked it, I liked it so much that I had to excuse myself and take a cold shower.
After the hugs Jethro said "Hello, long time no see. Where's the beer?"
Bambi just quietly purred as she looked at us.
That night I cooked some Ribeyes for them. I told Jethro that we were all out of squirrel at the moment. I asked Bambi if she liked her meat . She just looked at me, licked her lips and winked. Gladys made stuffed mushrooms and tater tots for the tot loving couple. After dinner Lisa made a drink called a Painkiller. With a name like that I should have had a dozen of those.
As the beer cans started to pile up we sat around and got caught up with each other's lives when a severe thunderstorm started to roll through. Tornado warnings were posted and we were not sure if we were going to have to spend the night in our storm shelter. Then the power went out.
Speechless, I know, right?Delete
Glad you had such a lovely visit and were able to see Jim and Barb before they go on their epic Canadian adventure. As usual you gave us a reason to laugh hard at all your antics. :)ReplyDelete
Really, I don't make this stuff up.Delete
Sounds like good times! Where did you learn how to make those interesting drinks? They sound yummy.ReplyDelete
When booze hounds visit, you have to make it interesting for them.Delete
Nice friends you have drinking all your alcoholReplyDelete
I will get some money back for the aluminum>Delete
This is Onid and Asil. They sound like the people we would like to get together with. Too bad they are from Wisconsin though.ReplyDelete
You would like them as long as you like alcohol. It sounds like you do.Delete
Next time don't run out of beer and we might stay longer. By the way, those are my Daisy Dukes!ReplyDelete
Wow. What a confession. If you would have stuck with your alias' no one would have known it was you guys. I tried to keep your secrets.Delete