Poineer's version 2.0

We are still here in Minnesota clearing our land. Well I have been clearing and Lisa has been on vacation in sunny Florida. I have been out to the land just about every other day and I have developed a new respect for pioneer's. I can't imagine crossing this country and to get to these Minnesota woods and decide that this is were I want to farm. To have to build a house and to clear the land with no modern equipment at all. It is amazing. I mean we are doing it with modern equipment and it is still hard work.

If you remember we bought an atv and a pull behind brush mower.

"Lil Burro" clearing brush.

It worked great clearing large areas of land until nature killed the atv by sending a mouse infiltrator into the atv and disabling it. It has been down for 3 weeks now. So in that time I have been doing many other things out there. I have been using our new chainsaw to down many trees that need to be removed. We have an over abundance of firewood now which will be handy in the future. With downing trees you get all of the unwanted branches that you cut off. So we have been making many, many brush piles all up and down our road. I am talking about big piles, 5-6 feet tall and 30-40 feet long by 6 ft. wide.

Our original plan was to get a fire pit and burn the brush when we were out there. Well we quickly got behind on that. So we had a wonderful idea of renting a wood chipper. Why not, we are near "Fargo".

This was a heavy duty wood chipper and we are thankful for that. It went through the brush as fast as we could feed it and we were very thankful for our daughter Kendra's help. There was more brush than we had imagined and we would not have gotten through it with out her.

Our biggest piles of brush are where we were clearing out to make a road to an eventual campsite.

Everything behind this brush pile is stuff we cleared out of that area behind it.

Kendra was a great help. I of course did the best I could with my arthritis acting up. And Lisa was a wood chipping animal.

We finally got through that pile and we were nearing the end. We started at a quarter to 11 and ended up close to 5. But we got it done. Now we can see where more trees need to be removed and more brush cut back. The stuff we cut with the mower is already growing again so we need to get our atv working and it is in the shop. We can't wait anymore so I would like to introduce "Bluetus".

We bit the bullet and bought a brand new one. It is bigger and more powerful than "Lil Burro". 

Also on a side note, Lisa got into the poison ivy. She got it before her vacation to Florida and it kind of got worse while she was there. So much so that she went into the clinic when she got home for meds to help take care of it.

So back to the pioneers. I don't know if I could have been one in the late 1800's.  I was probably more suited to be a dapper gambler and Lisa a saloon girl or school marm. Who knows?

We are getting ready for a big adventure so stay tuned.

Doing My Civic Duty

One of the many things that have brought us back up to Minnesota and keeping us here is that I have a 2 month stint of jury duty. I have been called for it before but usually get out of it, but not this time. The first summons I received said to call the night before, so I did. The case settled and a jury wasn't needed and that I would get another summons later. A couple of weeks later I got another letter listing a court date and again, call the night before. Hopefully this one will settle too. Nope. The recording said to report the next day bright and early. Dang!

There are no photos because our phones were the first things to be confiscated.

I report to the courthouse and sign in and then wait for orientation. I am looking around and count 34 people. We are in a courtroom so I look at the jury chairs and count 10. Odds are better than 66% of not being picked. I like those odds. After orientation we go to another court room and sit. They start calling names to go sit in the Jury box, however there are about 21 chairs. Dino Olivieri. Dang, they called me. The people that didn't get called are now alternates in case one of us gets booted for one reason or another.

Then the questions start. We were going to hear a criminal case. The judge starts with questions like does anyone know the defendant or any of the witness's being called. Have we been victims of a crime or been accused of a crime. On and on it went. Some peoples answers got them excused from the jury and an alternate would take their place. After the judge came the lawyers. They grilled everyone again. Finally it was time to pick 13 for the jury. Now it is about a 45% chance of not being picked. Dino Olivieri. Dang! That whole process took about 3 hours. So we were sworn in and then let go for lunch and the trial would start when we returned.

The trial was for a man that was accused of stealing a pickup truck from the parking lot of the local grocery store. The judge told us to remember that he is innocent until proven guilty and it was the states attorney's job to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt. The first witness was the man who had gotten his truck stolen. He said that he left his keys inside the truck and unlocked. He noticed some people in the car next to him but did not see the defendant. He knew who he was by the way. He goes into the store and about 5 minutes later comes out and his truck is gone. This happened Dec. 16th, 2016.

I wish the jury could ask questions because during the trial the attorney's could have asked better questions. At times I wanted to raise my hand but we couldn't.

6 days later they find the truck in another town. It was parked at an apartment complex that had 2 apartment buildings. It was parked at the building that the defendant didn't live in. The apartment manager called the cops because it needed to be moved for snow removal. So the local cop runs the plates and discovers it stolen. He has it sealed and then towed to Fergus Falls. The detectives photograph everything and they find a water bottle inside of it. They do a DNA swab and send it to Minneapolis to the BCA. Months go by and they finally interview the defendant because the apartment manager says she saw him near the truck. He voluntarily gives the police a DNA sample. So now his DNA matched the DNA on the bottle.

How ever there was more than one DNA on the bottle. According to the DNA specialist that did the sample she said there were 2 or more DNA profiles on it. But his was the only one linked because that was the only one they had.

They showed us the security footage at the grocery store. The truck was parked so far away that all you could see was a person in dark clothing get in and drive away with a mini van hot on its tail.

So with all the evidence presented and the closing arguments given, it took us about 20 minutes to determine that he was not guilty. Leaving us with more questions. Like the man that had it stolen from never recovered a briefcase and his wallet that was left in the truck. However the drivers license was found in another town but the lawyers never asked what town that was. Also, why wasn't the apartment manager called as a witness. She supposedly saw him near the truck. If she saw him near the truck, why didn't she just go to his apartment and ask him to move it? The lawyers should have asked the owner if he remembers the type of vehicle that was next to him. He said a car but the mini van left with the truck.

Another thing. Multiple DNA's on the water bottle? Who else drank out of it and who would have put it in the truck? Shoddy work by the Fergus Falls detectives. They didn't take one fingerprint at all from the truck. They thought the DNA would be enough. If they would have taken a fingerprint and the defendants fingerprint was on the wheel, that would have placed him in the vehicle. But they didn't. The video shows someone getting into the truck but you couldn't tell who it was.

Not Guilty. It was kind of interesting to say the least. Getting to play Perry Mason.

I thought now that we were on a jury we would be released from the list. But no, I still have another month to go and could be called again. This is being published without my editor's approval because she is on vacation.

Out of the Blue

*Edited version

We were enjoying our vacation at St. Croix when out of the blue our super secret undisclosed bat phone rings. I look at Lisa and say "It's Jim and Barb, RV rock gods with over 500,000 (you read that right) 500,000 hits on their blog calling".

"We need to see you" they said.

"Sure, meet us at these coordinates in 3 days".

3 days came and went until all of a sudden a cloud of dust shows up in the west.

Jim and Barb! Lisa ran out waving her bra at them to flag them down. "Over here! Over here!"

"You can park "Izzy" right next to us!" she exclaimed. Hugs and handshakes all around. I literally fell into Barb's arms and she caught me because Daisy wrapped her leash around me and tripped me. I couldn't have planned it better myself. So we gave them time to set up before beverages were served and to find out what brings them to our area. 

The planting was finished and they were headed to the cities to see his brother and then on to their land in South Dakota. So it was going to be a quick trip. In RV-Dreams fashion we cooked them dinner since it was their travel day. I grilled steaks (the meal of success) and Lisa made some delish potatoes from something she found on pintrest. Lisa's mom came for dinner because she wanted to meet them also.

After dinner I started a fire and we sat out and shared stories and laughs. Like always the night ends too quickly and we said our good nights.

The next morning, Barb treated us to her famous waffles. They did not disappoint. Daisy and Dakota loved theirs also. Just like that a Sasquatch was spotted and they were gone. But we made plans to catch up with them later on in the summer.

So we are back in our super secret undisclosed location for a little longer and then who knows where we will pop up.

Sasquatch Hunting

With high hopes, we left our super secret undisclosed location and headed east into the Minnesota wilderness to try and find the ever elusive Sasquatch. We heard about a place that has been terrorized by the foul beast and we thought we better get over there to check out the situation. We set up our base camp at St. Croix state park in eastern Minnesota.

St. Croix River

Very wooded country and we can see why Sasquatch would want to live in that remote area.

As we set up it was very apparent that what we heard was true. This campground has over 200 sites and there where maybe 3 campers in all there. People obviously were very afraid of running into one of those oversized bipedal monstrosities. 

Not one soul in this part of the campground. With camp set up, we made battle plans for the next day to attack this beast. We decided to go to the local swimming hole. Sasquatch needs to drink right?

We made the drive to the swimming beach, only to find it deserted. No sign of life. Sasquatch or human. We had the idea that maybe if we searched from the fire tower, that there would be a very good chance to see something. So back to the pickup to find that and find it we did.

100 feet up. Above the canopy for a majestic view of the surrounding area.

Lisa was a trooper. She made it up 3 flights of stairs and decided that going to the top was not in the cards today. The thing is just bolted together like a childs cheap erector set. So she decided to take her chances with the Sasquatch and that I could take all the glory if I saw one. I got to the top and it was rather windy above the trees. That tower was not as solid as one might think. So with a death grip of me hanging on to the railing, I fished out my phone and took some pictures to study later when I was on solid ground.

After a quick review of the pictures, it was discovered that there was no Sasquatch there. I think we will have to try a different technique tomorrow. Back to the camp for revelry and tom foolery!

Moose working as the campground host for the day.

The next day we went to Banning State Park, not far from where we were. We heard of reports there. We checked out the campground first and it is not big rig friendly at all. Off to the woods.

At Banning State Park there is the remains of an old Quarry from the turn of the century.

You can see the drill marks in the rock. They used to mine Hinckley Sandstone from this Quarry and ship down to the Twin Cities for buildings. Not much left of it now except for a lot of rock piles and a couple of buildings.

This was the power house containing the air compressors, generators and steam engines.Well, with no discoveries, we started making our way back. Our path took us along the banks of the Kettle River. What a beautiful river with rapids and everything. We thought that this river should be in Colorado and not in Minnesota, it was so wild.

There was even a kayaker shooting the rapids. 

Lisa contemplating her existence.

At the end of the day I went through my photos and I may have gotten a Sasquatch photo. You will have to decide for yourself.

It was a much needed little vacay. We are headed back to our super secret undisclosed location unless something out of the blue comes up. I would like to leave you with one final photo and thought. Rather a question. Do Sasquatches poop in the woods?

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Yes they do because it's a hell of a lot better than pooping in one of these things.

Until the next adventure.

Hodge Podge of Many Things

Lisa justs hates it when I am proven right and she is proven wrong. Her face gets all red, she starts to drool and stutter and then she blames me anyway. Case in point. If you recall the episode of my knee. Doing non-stop death marches eventually left me with a torn meniscus that required surgery. Having had the surgery and on the road to recovery, the death marches continued. Until recently. I developed a terrible pain in my foot. Do you know why? Death marches. Proving once again how unhealthy being healthy is.

I went to the walk in clinic because the pain in my foot was getting unbearable. X-rays were taken and again I was proven right. Plantar Fasciatus in my left foot with bone spurs and some calcification. Cure. Rest and stay off of your feet. AH HA! I knew it! One step closer to getting a scooter.

We have been busy clearing the brush off of our property. Busy until "Little Burro" aka, our ATV died of heat stroke. So I loaded it up and brought it back to town and started an autopsy to find out the cause. Upon further inspection it was discovered that "Little Burro" was killed by a mouse. It was a mouse-acide. Apparently a mouse built a nest in the air vent of the clutch housing causing it to over heat and melt the housing.

Come to think of it, I do recall the guy I bought it from saying that it was sitting in a barn for a couple of years.  So I ordered a new housing because the clutch was now rubbing against it. Thank you Amazon.

New one on top and old melted one on bottom.

Next topic of conversation. Zombies. We know they are coming. It is just a matter of time. With that in mind I went to the woods to get some much needed practice in.

It is quite amazing I can hit anything at all with the way I shake but I did hit it. I was using my Hungarian PA-63 in 9X18 Makarov caliber.  I definitely need more practice.

I got a notice for Jury duty for May 8th. It said to call on the 7th to see if I needed to report. So I called and they said the case settled and was not needed and that I should wait for another notice. Now I just sit and wait.

That is about it for now. Exciting as ever I know.

Land Barons in the Minnesota Wilderness

The babies birth is over. The funeral is over.

It's time to start carving out our little piece of paradise in the Minnesota wilderness. After the passing of Lisa's father, he left his daughters a nice chunk of land that we have always loved and used since Lisa and I have met. We cleared out a camping area many years ago and affectionately called it "Camp Longfellow" because of how poetically peaceful it was. But we haven't used it in awhile and things around here get over grown very rapidly with Sumac and Prickly Ash. Our son and his wife started clearing an area last year and we did help them with that.

Our plan that we have been thinking about is this. If we can clear an area and run electric, water and sewer to it, we don't have to pay for a campground while we visit up north. BRILLIANT!

We were also thinking that eventually we could build a cabin or A-frame house on it overlooking the river. That would be many years in the future for that though because we still want to travel more.

First order of business is to find a beast of burden. Something to carry the load.

My heart skips a beat when Lisa okays a purchase like that. 2018 Polaris Sportsman. Over $6,000 dollars worth of happiness. I think I will even sleep on it, it so beautiful. "POP" goes my bubble and back to reality. Damn, I was so close. Let's find something cheaper because it is going to get abused badly. So to Craigslist I went. I found an immaculate 1996 Polaris Explorer that would do the job nicely at a fraction of the cost. Welcome "Little Burro".

It even came with a snow plow which my son has called "Dibbs" on already. A "snow plow" is a blade which attaches to the front of the ATV to push that nasty white shit that falls in the winter here out of the way. I thought I would explain that to our Florida friends that think we live in a snow globe. 

Next order of business. Getting a mower tough enough to mow down Sumac and Prickly Ash. Prickly Ash has thorns all over it and when you walk through it, it stabs you and cuts you. Very painful and we really hate it.

After much research we settled upon this bad boy from Fleet Farm. It is a rough cut brush mower that can be pulled behind the ATV and will cut trees up to about 3" inches in diameter. BWAH HA HA! (evil laugh). Get ready to be slaughtered you f***ing Prickly Ash.

Some assembly required I guess. All loaded up we took it to the woods. This is where the "Dorks on Parade" begins. In my mind I thought that I could just put a strap around it and slide it off of the pickup and onto the ground. Great idea in theory. So I get the strap and the ATV and start pulling. Well it does an immediate nose dive and finally ends up on its top. Oops. My bad. Lisa was not all that impressed by my knowledge of gravity. We then try to push it over. The dang thing weighs 600 pounds. Not going to happen. I then have another brilliant idea. Light bulb. I get the strap around it and use the ATV to get it on its side. Awesome sauce! We just have to tip it one more time. So I then get the ATV and strap and have Lisa keep tension on it as I push it over. Bazinga! It's back the way it is supposed to be.

So now the uncrating and assembly start. No problem.

So I go through the parts and start noticing something. Not all of the bolts are there. How can I attach the wheels? Plus a wire got cut in shipping.

Well the wire was minor and now there is no way of getting it back into the truck to return it. "Lisa, can you go into town to see if there was something they didn't give us. We are missing hardware, owners manual and the keys." Off she goes. I assemble what I could and then wait patiently for her return. She then calls me and says that everything is on the mower. What? Where?

There was a tube next to the engine with everything in it and that symbol on the side of it must be the international sign for "everything is inside dumbass". Well then. I will admit that most things don't go as easily planned as they should. Assembly complete. That was it for one day.

Day 2 involved fixing the wires and getting this thing killing some Prickly Ash.

This is me actually fixing the wires a second time. Because the first time I went about 50 feet through the brush and a tree hooked the wire and sucked it right underneath the mower to get cut again. Sheesh. So once fixed again and tied out of the way it was tree killing time again.

In a matter of hours we had an area cleared out. It worked like a hot knife going through butter. There is about 80 acres of property and I would like to clear all of the Prickly Ash and Sumac as I can. Even driving the ATV the Prickly Ash cuts like crazy.

Even through jeans. Also the wood ticks are out already. I had one biting me in the ass. Sorry, no pictures of that. Maybe next time.

Stay tuned for the next episode of "Dorks on Parade."